Just A Thought
by Oly Chic
Summary: Sideswipe's difficult day leads him to ponder about the similarities between the Seeker and Lamborghini trines. Perhaps a broken Lamborghini trine isn't such a bad thing. G1-Based, with a few elements borrowed from AHM
1. Chapter 1

Transformers belong to Hasbro.

After a bad morning with Red Alert and an even worse afternoon with the Seekers, Sideswipe wonders if it's worth trying to fix his broken trine if they're doomed to have trine problems like the Seekers. (Mini-chapter fic)

/words/ = bond speak, since the document manager isn't letting me use a different notation :(

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><p>::Sideswipe, please report to Medbay for, uh, a follow up.::<p>

Bumblebee's voice cut through my bored, wandering thoughts over my comlink. Usually I could tell how much trouble I'm in by the degree of waver in his voice; currently it said that I was only mildly screwed. "Follow up" was probably the closest thing he could come up to politely relay words from Ratchet that were likely along the lines of "tell Sideswipe to go to Medbay and wait to be flogged with a wrench until he offlines for what he did," but with more cursing. Well at least I won't be sitting here bored anymore, staring at a broken TV that died in the wake of Sunstreaker's and my last conversation.

I walked casually down to Medbay from my quarters. Maybe some unlucky Autobot would get injured and be in there right now, distracting Ratchet and walking slowly only increased those chances. Of course, it also increased Ratchet's anger if he wasn't being distracted, but what's life without a little risk?

As I entered Medbay my optics immediately spied a very putout looking Tracks cradling a leg. '_Aw, what's wrong, Tracksie-boy? Did your leg paint get scraped and now you're in too much pain from the idea of walking around with a scratch that you need the good ol' cranky pants doc to fix you up?_' I silently ridiculed. Well, perhaps it was my lucky orn.

"Oh no, don't you even dare _contemplate _the idea that this is your lucky orn, you glitched son of a snow blower." Ratchet's voice cut in and I looked immediately found Ratchet standing to my right by a medical cabinet. He shook a welding arc at me for good measure. Ratchet's insult of the Earth week was calling mechs "snow blowers." I'm honestly not sure how that started. "I see that smirk and I can't wait to wipe it off."

"With a welding arc? Ratchet, surely you know that welding arcs _melt_ things, not_ wipe_ things. Are you positive you're qualified to be the CMO?"

"Oh trust me, there's ways to wipe things away with a welding arc. How about a demonstration?" The angry CMO gave one of his demonic smiles reserved only for me. Well, I like to think it was only reserved for me.

"I dunno Ratchet. What if you make a mistake? Then I might be in here with you for a really, _really _long time," I smiled sweetly. "I wouldn't mind though. I don't mind spending lots of time with you. We could play together and have one of those 'tea parties' that human female children yap about – oooh! We could learnhow to make energon-tea! Think how much fun it would be – just you, me, and hot liquid for joors on end." I made sure I had the most angelic look on my face because I knew how much it annoyed the officers. I even twisted my ped like the human girls I've seen in TV just for good measure.

"You know what, that isn't such a bad idea. You could learn to be our new cook, Sideswipe. You could sit in the Rec Room for joors, taking orders from the rest of troops for energon drinks and goodies. I bet Cliffjumper, Brawn, and some of the other bots would absolutely lovethe prospect. I wouldn't mind helping you become our chef."

His comment almost ruined my angelic expression. He knew how much I despised those minibots and how much they hated me in return. Before I could respond, however, that inferno Tracks beat me to it.

"Will you two stop having one of your bitchfests and help me here! I'm in a lot of pain, Ratchet!"

"Oh, knock it off." Ratchet snapped at the moaning imbecile, his pitiful whining only too reminiscent of my brother's. "I turned off the pain-receptors in your leg, so you shouldn't be feeling any pain."

"But my hip hurts from holding my leg in this position. I don't want to keep holding it like this. Plus what if my gears get stuck and I have to limp around until they loosen up? Do you know how unappealing that looks?"

"Ugh! Hold on!" Ratchet turned back to look at me. "You and I are done here, Sideswipe."

"Really?" My optics widened in surprise. This is suspicious…

"Yes. Here's your datapad, a gift from me, made especially just for you. Enjoy."

Frag. If Ratchet had been planning to hand off his punishment for my latest prank with his medical supplies that meant he found something even better than he could deal. That meant a lot, considering the pride Ratchet took in our "follow ups."

I looked down at the datapad and immediately the first line leaped at me: "Report to Red Alert."

Double frag.

~~/~~

I didn't want to see Red, especially not now. Normally his behavior can only be described as an irrational and paranoid workaholic, but our latest squabble with the Decepticons left half of our security devices non-operational and just under a third of the operational ones were buried under a rocky landslide. Basically he was pretty much one well-placed prick away from a sheer total neurotic meltdown. Primus, aren't I lucky to be assigned as his assistant? If there was any time I would be considered a "bull in a china shop," as the human saying goes, this would be it. Being cognizant of mechs with heightened emotional requirements was not my forte – and no, that's not my imagination or even my words, but rather the exact words from about half of the officers. Damn Ratchet to the deepest Pit.

What really irked me about this punishment was how I could never purposely let myself push Red's buttons to any serious extent, and Ratchet knew it. Ratchet was capitalizing on both Red's state of mind and our strained relationship to punish me, probably hoping for it to sink home that he plays just as dirty as I do and that I should stop mess with the CMO's stuff. Well too damn bad, Ratchet - I'll show you how stupid of an idea it is to try and teach me a lesson with dirty fighting. I'm the one who's made it a career and a lifestyle.

Regardless, planning my retribution isn't going to help me now while I'm standing in Red's doorway, watching the frantic mech from behind. I knew that he knew I was there, but whatever was occupying his mind was clearly keeping him from interacting with the outside world. Maybe…

"Sideswipe! What are you standing in the doorway like that? Come in and let the door close behind you! What if a Decepticon was trying to sneak in or one of your hooligan friends is trying to see what I'm do so they can plot their next attack?" Red's nearly hysterical voice howled as if his very existence was in jeopardy. He didn't even pry his optics off his monitors to yell at me.

My orn is getting better by the breem. I reluctantly stepped into the Pit – I mean, Red's security room – and allowed the heavy, hydraulic door to close behind me. "So what's the assignment and the plan you've already formulated to make sure I help you in a non-suspicious manner?"

Red finally turned his head and glared daggers at me. "Don't play coy with me, Sideswipe. You have a habit of turning even the most mundane assignment I give you into an opportunity for mischief. That's something the Autobots can't afford, especially now!"

"Coy?" I piped up, interrupting what would probably be another rant about the inappropriate things that "my hooligan friends" and I do and the threat it causes to the lives of every Autobot. I'll be damned if I'm not getting in a few shots of my own – it's not my style to sit there through an officer's tirade without getting under the other mech's plating. "Why Red, I had no idea you thought of me that way. Normally I like my companions to be a little less crazy, but I like to try anything once."

"Get your mind out of the gutter, you – you disgusting bot!" Red stammered for a moment trying to thinking of a good insult. His idea of an insult almost made me laugh but I stayed silent as he continued on with his instructions. "I want you to find the security devices we lost in the land slide and clear the debris. Now take this datapad, tool kit, and radio and head to the first marked location on the datapad's map."

I grabbed the items while giving Red a deadpan look. "Seriously, a radio? We _do _haveworking comlinks."

"I want you to dig up the buried security devices and with an entire section of my security grid under mud and rock, but there's no telling if the Decepticons have already capitalized on the hole in our security! Soundwave could be there right now and he could jam your comlink. That radio is specially designed to function with this office even if there's a comlink jam and I want to use it as soon as you step outside in case an attack does occur."

Wow, Red's paranoia is far worse than I first guessed. I weighed my options of teasing him and asking if he need a hug, or just getting the damn thing over with so I can go back to staring at my broken TV. I chose the latter. "Okay, whatever you say since you're the boss for the moment. One digging exploration coming up."

~~/~~

My assignment with Red wasn't as short as I had originally hoped. Primus, I had no idea how many cameras and weird security devices Red actually had until now. It turns out that a third of our security devices equal roughly a hundred different units. Why does Prime or Prowl entertain this kind of crazy? Are they just going to let Red cover the volcano with his devices? Frag them all – I bet Prowl would let him just to screw with bots like me whenever something happens. After all, I'm part of the group that automatically gets thrown into a pool for them to pick out their next worker for such laborious jobs such as this one. Does anyone besides my fellow screwed comrades know how irritating it is to dig sensitive equipment out of hard earth?

"Sideswipe, what's your position?" Red's voice cracked over the radio.

"Knowing you, you have an extremely-precise GPS unit on this radio so you know exactly where the radio is, but you want to make sure I'm still near it." I radioed back before slipping in the mud, forcing me to dig my hands and peds into the muddy side to keep from losing my balance and going over the sheer wall.

I could practically hear Red Alert fume. '_Oh no, poor Red. He's upset in his comfortable office while I risk my health over his dirty cameras_,' I mentally tossed back at the radio as snidely as I could.

"Sideswipe – "

"Don't interrupt me, Red. I didn't save 'over' and you have to save 'over' when you use radios." I could hear him angrily muttering to himself as I continued on but I didn't care. I knew that wouldn't last long, but at least it would let me finish climbing to the next ledge without having to juggle the radio in hand. Once I was on the rocky ridge where the eighty-sixth camera and automated stun gun were marked on his map, I radioed him back. "Over."

"I don't care about your 'over,' Sideswipe," Red responded tersely. "This is matter of life or death. We have the entire upper quadrant of a side of the base unprotected right now thanks to Rumble and Frenzy and their pile drivers. That could mean countless of opportunities for Soundwave and his cassettes to infiltrate or attack the base! As far as making that side relatively safe again goes, right now you are our only hope, Sideswipe. I won't have you messing around."

"Yes, Princess Leia," I said, a chuckle escaping me as the image of Princess Red Alert popped up. Actually, that chuckle is sounding suspiciously like a giggle… I immediately stopped.

/Wow, I can't believe you just giggled like that,/ Sunstreaker cut in over our bond. I cursed the connection that only a split-spark bond like ourselves or a mated pair could understand. Sure, there were times it was really handy, but mostly it was just really annoying. Sunstreaker was exceptionally good at cutting in over the bond if my guard wasn't almost perfectly in place. It's a little disturbing being a split-sparked twin when your other half has an exceptional talent for mind games. Literally.

/You can't hear through my audios,/ I retorted back.

/Yeah, but I can hear it when you replay the sound back in your mind. FYI, it was a giggle./

/How do you know what a giggle is, Sunshine? The closest time you've ever come to hearing a giggle is the moment before a group of sparklings or human children see you,/ I quipped as I started digging, per Red's datapads instructions.

/TV, duh. You watch enough of it when your stuck being the good, quiet solider that I can't fully escape your dumb shows. Anyway, I can't believe the level of detail Red wrote down on that datapad on how to dig. He has no faith in you,/ Sunstreaker mused.

Undoubtedly he was reading my thoughts as I read the instructions to myself. Red had gone to great lengths to make sure I know what I was digging, how to dig it out, the shape, the probable direction it was pointed before being trapped, and random other crap. I believe humans call that being anal-retentive.

/Stop using the squishies' dirty terms,/ Sunstreak said in disgust. Some mechs can't take cross-species jokes. Pit, some can't even same-species jokes.

/Will you shut up? I'm trying to work here with Red who's one good joke away from having a conniption, all the while I'm sitting on a high, short ledge over a volcano's steep side,/ I snapped. Turning my focus back to the task at hand, I radioed Red when my shovel hit the ground of the ledge instead of one of the bases of his units. "I don't think this is right. I'm not finding a camera or stun gun and thanks to your extremely detailed explanation on how, where, and what, I feel pretty comfortable in saying one isn't here. At least not anymore."

"That's not possible! I have reports of a successful diagnostic test for a unit in that location, as well as Wheeljacks's detailed drawings of the security device and the layout! Clearly you aren't look right, Sideswipe."

"Excuse me? You think I can't dig through rocks and find one of your beloved toys? I don't need a degree in 'crazy' like you to know how to work with my hands!"

"No, Sideswipe. I trust you know how to work with your hands – I've seen you in battle and your stunts around here. I'm sure you can since that's what you were hired on to do, but maybe during the time that you've been eager to play the role of a simple yet troublesome soldier, you've forgotten how to read one of my data maps!"

Indignant at the implication of being a 'simple soldier,' I snarled back hotly. "In all that time I've been a soldier, I've learned how to read more than just your data maps. There's more to the world than your security room, you paranoid glitch! Maybe if you developed the struts and sanity to leave your security room and brave the outside world, you'd know that. Instead, you'd just happily sit there, slowly dying alone with only your security devices to keep you company!"

The sound emitted from Red told me that I had gone too far. Immediately some of my anger was replaced by guilt. I moaned silently to myself, frustrated with the situation. Nothing I ever do seems to work with my strained trine mate. By and large I was not a self-loathing mech, but I loathed being in a trine with someone who was not like me, and I loaned not having the skills to at least figure out mechs different than me. It was our difference that pretty much only made us a trine on a datapad.

Still, as tired as I was with dealing with someone who'd become so foreign to me, I was even more tired of not dealing with the problem. Swallowing my pride, I thought about apologizing to Red Alert, but I couldn't think of a way. Before we crashed on Earth, I knew that dying alone was one of Red Alert's fears, and like he had made fun of my life since the war ensnared me in its never relenting grasp, I had mocked his. The only difference was that I went for a weak spot where he at least hadn't. I couldn't help it – war changes a mech and now it was almost pure instinct to strike where my opponents were weak, be it physically or mentally. Vorns of being subjected to Decepticons' wrath had made it a rather ingrained reaction.

A few breems passed silently as I absentmindedly twirled my handheld shovel into the ledge. I honestly have no clue how to undo the damage I just did. Red's paranoia probably wouldn't allow him to accept my apology (even if I know how to legitimately apologize) because it would tell him I was luring him into a false sense of security. I searched my memories about the times someone said something stupid to Red and for ways they got out of it. Unexpectedly, Sunstreaker broke the silence as my search came up empty. Well, he broke the silence for me anyways.

Why don't you offer to let him teach you that dumb board game he loves after you're done? Sunstreaker suggested. Like me, he felt the strain that'd developed between Red and us over time. Typically the strain between us and the officers didn't concern either Sunstreaker or me, but Red was an exception thanks to our past. Red's exception impacted even the aloof Sunstreaker, although he'd probably break my jaw to keep me from ever saying it aloud. It didn't matter anyways that Sunstreaker could feel the strain since he would never do anything about it anyways. Sustreaker's pride and Red's suspicions made things all around difficult and I was usually left the middle mech. Taking a moment to prepare myself for what I was sure would be a conversation that would test my own pride, I finally radioed Red Alert back.

"Uh, say, Red… you still like that board game you used to play back in Iacon?" I asked carefully.

"Yeah, what's it to you?" came the defensive reply.

"I haven't seen you play it a long time."

"Yeah, well my cameras don't know how to play," Red replied hauntingly. Maybe I've been around the humans during their numerous emotional moments a few too many times, or maybe I need a break from TV, but I swear I heard a sniffle. It's absurd, I know, since we don't sniffle, but I heard something that resembled the humans' noise.

"Something your cameras and I have in common, along with having the same IQ," I joked in a lame attempt to ease the tension, but almost immediately I detected a failed attempt to stifle a meager laugh over the radio. Getting Red to laugh was the almost as rare of getting a giggle out of Prowl (Jazz claims he did that once). Having edged my way in a little, I pushed a little more. "Maybe you could teach me?"

A few silent moments passed before the radio crackled with Red's reply. "I guess but only after you're completely done. I can't really pass on an opportunity to teach you a lesson in discipline through one of the only two forms of methods that you actually pay attention."

"Alright! Let's see how long it takes to pull lots of tiny secret equipment clear of a mud slide!" I exclaimed cheerfully, faking as much enthusiasm as I could for Red's sake. Damn him for being barely important enough to me.

/Yeah, right – 'barely important.' I bet he's so 'barely important' that you would've sniffled like Spike if he hadn't accepted,/ Sunstreaker's smug comment cut into my thoughts.

/Yeah, like you sniffled when Bluestreak avoided you a couple of nights ago I shot back, knowing the unusual circumstances that had occurred and the discomfort it had caused him. But thanks for helping me out here. Tell you what: you scratched my back, so I'll _scratch _yours the next time you have a smart comment about it./ I sent him an image over our link of his back with paint scratched off of it, knowing how much the image alone would haunt him.

I shut the connection as quickly as I could, knowing that his rant falling on deaf audios would make Sunstreaker that much angrier. I don't know why Ratchet thinks I have a death wish.

Anyway, it seems that I'm gonna spend the rest of my orn with Red at this rate. '_Okay, think, Sideswipe,_' I said to myself. '_How can an automated gun and a camera on a pivot that's about the size of my lower arm disappear under a couple of feet of rocks? Oh, duh!_' A gun on a double-pivot stand would be more likely to break off than to disappear under a few rocks when the rocks slammed into it at a relatively high velocity. Since this was the only gun located in this area, and camera-only devices had single pivot joints, it would explain why this would be the first to break in my exploration.

I looked around before remembering how much rock and mud surrounded me. '_Primus-fragging slag!_' I cursed my ill luck. I looked down at the dinky little shovel twirling in my hand and then back at the large pile of rocks sitting just below the ledge. I know Red wanted me to use this shovel because it would decrease the chances of me accidentally breaking the equipment while I dug it out, but I'm pretty sure it's anunnecessary concern in a pile this large. I mean, the odds are pretty good the pivot joint broke when the first set of rocks hit it so the gun should be at least near the bottom of the pile. '_Right?_' I asked myself once more, unsure if I could trust my luck at the moment.

'_I don't know_,' I replied back. '_I could ask Prowl. What do you think would happen if I asked him what are the odds are about the gun being broken pretty early into the rock slide?_'

I tossed the scenario around in my head a few times before deciding on the most probable outcome. '_He knows what I'm doing, but since I'm asking him instead of Red, he might think I'm trying to sneak it out from under Red's nose. Like perhaps there's a new plan in the works to do something stupid in the next battle and it would drive him nuts trying to figure it out_.' I grinned mischievously as I pictured Prowl's angry doorwing twitch.

'_Yeah, but chances are that Prowl just ask Red Alert while I'm up here and that will somehow get me into more trouble,_' I realized after thinking about it some more.

'_So I guess it's settled then – asking Prowl is a no-go but the odds are probably in my favor anyway so I can start with my pile drivers and then dig with the stupid shovel. At least I can get rid of half of the pile before having to do this the slow way._' I stopped talking to myself and climbed in position, feeling more confident since I agreed with myself. After growing up with Sunstreaker and regularly communicating mentally over our split-spark bond, I find it hard to _not _talk to myself. Being permanently linked to Sunstreaker has seriously messed me up.

"Sideswipe! What are you doing?" Red cried over the radio – probably as soon as the damn GPS chip spit out info that the radio was moving – as I awkwardly climbed around the ledge and onto the pile. I wondered offhand about what could be supporting the rocks on this steep side as I climbed.

"I think the gun was knocked off its stand and it's buried in this pile, somewhere at the bottom. I'm gonna knock out the top half and then dig through the bottom half with your delicate shovel for your delicate gun and camera." I did my best to keep the snide tone out of my voice. I'm really not sure I succeeded since the mech on the other end is programmed to pick up on the tiniest details.

Regardless, I activated my pile drivers and balanced carefully as I set the pile drivers on their lowest power setting. Very carefully I rested them on the same pile I was standing on. '_Oh yeah, Ratchet. Just when you thought I couldn't do anything more stupid than last month's activities, I do this_,' I mentally jeered at the image of Ratchet in my head. I activated my pile drivers, being mindful of keeping my balance. Did I mention that I hate tiny sheer edges?

"No! Sideswipe, don't do that!" The radio crackled, barely audible over my pile drivers. What's his problem?

CRACK!

Uh oh. Immediately I stopped my pile drivers and transformed my arms back. I could hear Red practically hyperventilating, which meant he heard the noise too. '_Please don't let me screw myself, please don't let me screw myself,_' I chanted over and over again as I dug carefully towards the sound of that noise. I could feel Sunstreaker trying to pry past my barrier. My anxiety was probably leaking over the bond.

After the seemingly-long breem I finally found the source of that sound. It was a mutilated piece of the stand. It looked like this was the piece connecting the stand and the arm segment with the gun and camera, although it was hard to tell from the object sitting in my hand. I did know it was not the gun or camera at least. That much was obvious.

"It's okay!" I quickly radioed in. "It wasn't the unit. It was middle piece between the two joints."

"Do you have any idea how lucky you are?" Red shrieked. "I was trying to tell you that Hoist suspected most of the security devices were fine in the first wave of rocks because of the materials he used! That means the gun is most likely _not _at the bottom but in the middle of the pile."

"Oh, oops. I'll use your shovel for the rest of this," I promised.

"No you won't!" Red ordered. "Clearly I can't trust you to not blindly destroy valuable equipment and leave a huge opening for the Decepticons to waltz right through! I need someone I can trust to follow orders and use their CPU for more than just padding for someone's fist. Get out of there and return the equipment while I look for someone who knows the meaning of the word 'competence.'"

The feedback noise from the radio suddenly died, a sign that Red had turned off his radio. That was a bad sign since his paranoia would tell him to leave it on to make sure that I don't get ambushed as I returned.

Quietly I climbed down the rest of the volcano and handed the equipment off to Hound so he could take it to Red's office. I didn't feel like going in and be subjected to his tirade of rants and paranoid ramblings. I could've gone to the Rec room since it was break time for a lot of my friends but I wasn't feeling particularly social or up to dealing with any more officers. At the moment I was too mad to play nice.


	2. Chapter 2

Since not everyone has an engineering, physics, chemistry, or electrical background, "continuity" in the context used below mean electrical flow. Its a way of checking if there's an open electrical connection between two points.

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><p>Since I wasn't up for the usual fun and games I used to blow off steam I headed to one of the local lakes I occasionally visit instead. By "lake" I mean one of the glorified puddles surrounded by sparse woods, and by "local" I mean a remote location that I can get to in a handful of breems while doing 170 mph on back roads. No 'bot on some soulful walk or whatever would stumble across me – Primus knows we have enough of those.<p>

Normally I'm not one to wallow but the rift Sunstreaker and I had with Red seemed too deep to repair and after my latest fumble, my frustration with the solution finally outgrew my ability to just shake it off. No one tried to make it deep, it just somehow became deep enough and wide enough that by the time my twin and I saw it, we weren't sure how to cross it. In only a few orns Red had changed more than anyone expected and it's what broke our team. Well, maybe. I don't really know anymore how our "Lamborghini trine" stopped being a trine. Perhaps the first snap in the trine was caused by Sunstreaker and me being so incredibly different than Red. All I know is that the last snap occurred on Earth when Red became overwhelmed by being stuck and outnumbered on an alien planet while Sunny and I tried out our new tricks.

Speaking of Sunstreaker, I heard a faint crack from behind, accompanied by angry muttering about scratches and I knew instantly who had followed me. I could've poked at the bond to see what he was doing here, but I rarely initiate any conversation over the bond if Soundwave, Prowl, or some other obstacle with audios isn't nearby. The problem with letting Sunstreaker into my head enough to hold a conversation is that I get more than just his words. Sometimes I get the rage that comes from the scars the war has given him. I have enough problems suppressing my own scars; I don't need to add suppressing his scars to the pile.

Sunstreaker appeared around the corner of my vision and looked at me. I ignored him and sat down on a sturdy looking log. The log caved in some but it didn't give away. "You better not sit your sunny-side aft on this."

"Pit no. I don't want ants up my tailpipe. They're all yours," he retorted. I merely grunted and looked away towards the lake since I wasn't really interested in talking.

A couple of breems went by before Sunstreaker commented on the situation in his usual manner. "I can't believe you got dumped by Red, especially before your first date."

"Shut up!" I tore off a piece of the log's rotten roots and threw it at his chassis. He twisted his torso enough for it to fly by without as much as rubbing dirt on him. "You know Red Alert. As the humans say, 'shit happens,' and that's only too true with Red. Even Spike's laser pen set him off once. What was I to expect when I used my pile drivers on a rock heap holding one of his precious toys his ties his sanity to?" I didn't even bother to hide the frustration and anger in my voice.

Sunstreaker didn't say anything at first. Finally, I turned to look at him and I could see the thoughtful look on his face. "What?" I blurted out after almost a full breem of silence.

"Nothing… well, it's just what you said about his sanity is tied to objects. Plenty of the mechs here don't consider me completely sane – Pit, they've been describing me as a sociopath pretty much the entire time we've been a part of the Autobot army. I bet none of them would believe I was anything different before the war."

"No, they probably wouldn't," I mused, curious where Sunstreaker was going with this train of thought.

"Do you remember when we had everything we needed back in Kaon, before the war? We didn't have much when you compare us to Mirage but neither of us needed much. Then the orn came when Kaon fell to Megatron and we were left with nothing," Sunstreaker growled, recalling our time as captives of what was once our home. "We changed a lot then, didn't we? Even before our treatment in Kaon became 'health hazardous,'" Sunstreaker darkly asked, quoting Iacon's advisory to all neutrals and Autobots to stay out of Kaon because of the "health hazards" that Megatron's presence was imposing. To be fair, Iacon's intelligence sucked back then and Megatron hadn't shown his true character _quite_ yet.

"Yeah, I remember those times, when we were stuck in hiding with our friends."

"You remember what our friends were starting to say about me?" Sunstreaker looked very seriously at me.

"Oh, yeah…" I remembered the old memories easily enough. "You were becoming irrational from your anger and they would comment about how one would think your sanity was left in our destroyed home."

"Yeah," Sunstreaker's face twitched just slightly. "Remember how Red was one of the few Autobots there for the Kaon survivors? He wasn't nearly as bad back then because his paranoia wasn't anything like it is now. Maybe what his problem now is kinda like our problem back then, only instead of losing everything he values in an instant, he's been losing it piece by piece over the vorns. Red's losing ground with his demons and he's has less support now than we ever did back then."

"Oh." I pondered over the prospect Sunstreaker was suggesting. "When did you get so insightful?"

"When you made it too easy to eavesdrop in your conversations with him. You'd be amazed by what you can catch when you're the observing party in someone else's conversation."

"Haha." Sunstreaker can't pass a jab if it keeps him from looking too nice. I could just as easily eavesdrop in his conversations but I didn't. My brother's mind was too twisted of a place to hang out for fun. What Cliffjumper and the others thought of him was wrong but it wasn't exactly inaccurate either. If they only knew the demons Sunstreaker kept at bay outside of battle, they'd be a lot less vocal of their opinions of him. In a way, it was the same thing with Red but with a little less spilled energon and a little more fried nerves.

"Well, there's no way to fix what's broken out here on a dead log." I announced as I pushed myself up. An unusual, almost mechanical, creak came from the log as I stood up. I looked at Sunstreaker and saw his equally surprised expression before it was quickly replaced by a grime look. He pushed me to the side and ripped off the upward-facing side of the log to reveal one of Soundwave's listening devices.

"Frag!" We both cursed in unison. Sunstreaker punched the device so it couldn't be used against us anymore.

/What now?/ I asked him, not giving the Decepticons another to chance to listen in on us. Soundwave enjoyed a certain amount of redundancy in his work.

The answer I sought came from the skies in the form of roaring jet engines. Nevertheless, Sunstreaker gave me his answer. /Hopefully you're still irritated enough that you'll take it out on a Decepticon or two./

I snickered just as three multi-colored jets roared by before turning upward to double back. The Seeker trine transformed and stopped just above the tree line. Good thing I have my jetpack – er, frag. I left that with Red after he kept panicking about the idea of me up high on a volcano with a jetpack, surrounded by his buried treasures. '_Primus, you really are a stupid glitch!_' I cursed my decision to go along with his demand rather than listen to his constant wild rants. Why does instant gratification always seem to hurt later down the line?

Meanwhile, Starscream sneered at us while Skywarp grinned deviously and Thundercracker had a half smile plastered on his face. The red-painted buffoon gloated, "Looks like Soundwave's idea of surrounding the outside of the Autobots' security perimeter with listening devices worked. What a pity – there's a certain level of annoyance I get when I drag an Autobot carcass back to Megatron and it just proves Soundwave right."

Sunstreaker and I looked at each other while keeping the trine in the corner of our optics. For all of Starscream's boasts of his intelligence and grandeur, he never caught on that we knew this small gesture of indifference infuriated him. "Did you hear 'blah blah blah I suck compared to Soundwave blah blah blah?'"

"Well that and the part about him returning to Megatron like an obedient pet." Sunstreaker said in his usual smug voice.

Suddenly the Seeker snarled and shouted, "Decepticons, attack!" as he dove towards me. Caught by surprise, I barely twisted fast enough to move out of his path, save for his left wing. His left wing clipped me but I ignored the pain as I reached for his nullray to pull his arm backwards. Immediately Starscream flew upward to shake me off but my arm was caught by his wing and gun. My shoulder and elbow servos strained from supporting all of my weight so I wrapped myself around his wing and locked my arm on his nullray. Either I'd damage his wing or he'll find away to pull out, allowing me to rip off his gun so I can shoot him with his own gun. Either choice is a win-win for me, even with the inevitable fall.

"Oomfh!" Pain erupted from my mid-back from being struck from behind. My unseen assailant grabbed me and began twisting my torso away from Starscream. Turning my attacker's move against Starscream, I let my body swing off his side while tightening my grip.

The unexpected weight shift threw Starscream off and he shouted insults as Skywarp spoke, "Stupid Autodumb. Do you really think you can attack two Decepticons in the air while you're out numbered and without even basic flight capabilities?" He chuckled evilly and moved in to rip my hand off of Starscream's wing by my wrist.

"I'm stupid? Who's forgetting his basic physics?" I swung my lower body upwards and using my momentum I delivered a hard kick to Skywarp's face. Even better, I heard Starscream's servos in his captured arm tear. Now off-centered and damaged, Starscream and I spiraled downward as both of us fought to gain control. I wonder why he's not pulling up…

CRUNCH!

Slamming head first into a sturdy tree and hip first into an even sturdier root, my vision exploded at the same time my hand on Starscream's nullray became pinched between him and the tree. Starscream must have noticed because the pain in my hand rapidly increased and I realized he was grinding it into the tree with his nullray. Within seconds my smallest digit was ripped clean off.

"Ack! Stop using nature to fight for you, you weak bitch!" I started blindly punching in the direction I could hear his cackling with my uninjured hand.

"Argh!" Starscream furiously hissed as my hand smashed into metal. Instantly the pain he caused subsided and the pain from the landing came rushing back once I was no longer distracted by the Seeker. My right hip strut had been jarred but it was somewhat usable despite the horrible pinch it caused every time it moved.

My vision cleared somewhat and I finally got a look at him. I was hoping to see some damage from my punch – and there was, but it was mostly cosmetic. Skywarp materialized next to him and sneered at me before looking at Starscream.

"What did he call you? A 'bitch?' Why the Pit is that?" Skywarp said, twisting his face as if the word was too strange of a taste. I guess he's never bothered paying attention to human insults.

"He's calling you weak femme!" Thundercracker's voice suddenly crackled over their comlinks. Immediately Starscream's expression contorted into rage and he began screaming at me in his usual shrilled way.

"You fool! How dare you refer to me with human terms. I will show you who's the weak one as I slowly rip each cable and wire out from your body, leaving you as a barely functional piece of wreckage, wracked with the pain of being killed from the inside out!"

Ignoring his girlish hysteria, I carefully positioned myself for the fight at hand so as to not give it away that I had a nearly-useless leg. My head-first landing must have done something to my optic circuits. As I turned to him I caught the end of his rant over Skywarp's comment about Thundercracker's TV habit. "I will end you and parade you dead carcass around the Decepticon's headquarters! I'll mount your head in my lab so I can laugh at it as I worked throughout the orns, finding ways to crush the rest of your comrades so that their heads may join you. All of the Decepticons who walk into my lab will see your head, frozen in pain, and they will know the fearsome wrath of Starscream!"

He flew and collided into me and tried to slam me into the tree again, but I had locked my weakened leg under a root to prevent him from doing that again. I resumed punching him in the head, this time making sure to strike the optic. I kept striking his optic as he tried slamming my head into the tree, all the while bearing through the pain my leg was emitting.

Then, just as his optic cracked, I felt Skywarp's ped slam into mine and I lost my anchor. Even though he was partly blinded, Starscream shoved me into the tree before firing up his engines and driving me into a bolder about 15 meters away. Static burst across my vision before it turned black. I began to kick and punch him in hopes of getting through his dense cranial unit and causing enough damage to keep him down for good.

Unfortunately, Skywarp decided he was done being amused by Starscream's frantic antics and began striking my damaged side. My injured leg quickly fell down, now completely useless as the server was moved too far out of place to be operational. "Damn it!" I snarled before realizing I'd spoken aloud. My pain was met with a hysterical cry of glee from Starscream and a malicious laugh from Skywarp.

"You know Starscream, if I had known that all it takes to defeat Sideswipe was a big rock, I would be the one with his head mounted on my wa – ahhh!" Skywarp cried out as a blast struck him. The shot came out from my right and I hear Skywarp spin around, his wing clipping the bolder.

Without another warning, the calm air turned into a shower of energy blasts. A few caught the Seekers, causing both to hiss in pain and Starscream suddenly let me go. No longer supported, I sunk to the ground. I laid there stunned, trying to pull myself together for the fight, but the lack of vision, cranial damage, a dead leg, and hand with four fingers really made it hard.

I don't know how much time had passed before I hear the tale-tell sign of retreating jets followed by running peds. "Holy frag, Sideswipe, way to try and beat a couple of pathetic Seekers with your face," Sunstreaker whistled in mockery.

Before I could say something to offend him, I heard an odd sound. It sounded as if someone had huffed in indignation? "Sunstreaker, if you want to run your mouth, then I suggest you radio the base. Otherwise I'll take you back to my office after we return and have you arrested for obstructing medical care of an injured Autobot!"

I froze. If the words didn't give it away, the voice sure did. That was Red Alert. I felt someone kneel down next me. "Red?" I blurted out as I turned towards the invisible presence.

He grunted, "Yes, I'm here, Sideswipe. Don't move until I'm done with this scanner." I could hear the beeps emitting from the scanner.

Meanwhile as I waited for the scan to finish, albeit uncomfortably, Sunstreaker muttered something about running his mouth wherever and however he so wanted before stalking off. After a few moments the beeps from Red's scanner stopped, followed by complete silence. I couldn't even detect the angry rant I knew Sunstreaker was having with the bare forest.

Red spoke first. "The scan says you're well enough that we don't need medical personnel to come out here, save for the fact your optical and structural damage will prevent you from safely transforming and I don't want to carry you back. Unfortunately this is just a basic medical scanner, so I can only determine that you aren't bleeding out, you have damaged servos, and there are no signs of continuity between your CPU and optics. It's also giving me a readout about damage to your cranial circuitry, but I suspect it's a pre-existing condition."

"I'm blind from landing head-first into pieces of Earth!" I groaned before stopping. "Wait, did you insult me or tease me?"

"I'm not sure," Red pondered aloud, but I could tell what he really was thinking. It had been a long time since I heard it, but I remember that tone. He used that tone a few times back when our trine first formed.

I groaned again and feigned as much hurt in my voice and posture as possible. "Don't tease a blind and crippled mech."

"Why? You do it all the time." Red pointed out.

"Yeah, but you're an officer. It's unseemly for you. I mean, you can't just go pretending to be me just because you wish it."

I could feel Red Alert pause or a second, as if he wanted to say something back. However, the brief moment of our old friendship passed when he finally spoke. "I'm radioing Ratchet to meet us here for a non-emergency medical transportation."

Immediately our humor dissolved and I sighed, my efforts beaten. I waited quietly until Red Alert confirmed Ratchet's ETA. "Something I said?"

"Something _a lot _of what you said," Red huffed. "Still, you're right; fraternizing with the troops as if I'm one of them in not seemly for an … officer."

I fought to stifle a groan. I could tell from his beat of silence that he was thinking of his officer duties which left him in his security room all orn, an image that reminded him of our earlier fight. I sat back against the bolder, feel defeated. Between getting my face pounded in by that jackass to the point of being blinded, my leg broken by Skywarp, and Red's somber behavior, I was done. I only felt further drained when I realized that I had absolutely no idea what to say to him and I didn't care.

I've finally had it, between Red's problems, Sunstreaker's crap, Ratchet's dirty game, feeling like an officer's chew toy, and getting beaten by one of the biggest morons in the Decepticon army because I went for drive after feeling bad for not being nice enough. I'm tired of being the one who had to swallow his pride and attempt being the bridge over the gully everyone else is so willing to keep up. For once I chose to wait in gloomy silence for Ratchet to show, not giving a damn what else my orn had in store for me.


	3. Chapter 3

_**RELOADED** I didn't see the "Replace/Update Chapters" button so I deleted this chapter and re-loaded it before noticing that button. Just FYI to those who already read it and were about to be confused._

_I hope no one is terribly upset at the frequent use of Cybertronian curse words, but I am trying to keep the story inline with a military setting since the story has to do with comparing one military outfit to another. Then again, I read a comment in a game magazine that real (human) soldiers don't insult or curse nearly as much as CGI soldiers, and the industry peeps responded back that it's now the expected norm that violence and foul language go hand-in-hand. Guess I just might be another piece of mass consumerism mislead by an industry that uses fantasy to "enhance" a simulation of reality. Oh well! It's not like I can go ask a Cybertronian soldier what it's really like (but don't we all wish we could?)._

_BTW, 1 chapter left. Story is unbeta'd._

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><p>The trip back to base was anything but fruitful. Well, for Ratchet anyways. He tried getting me to talk with quips meant to get a rise out of me, but I stuck to whatever non-committal sound I could muster without repeating the same one too often. It's not that I feel like sulking, but I'd really don't care about Ratchet's feelings right now. I don't care to return Ratchet's banter and I don't feel like being my usual upbeat, crazy-underneath-the-jokes warrior self. I know to the outside world I'm overacting to an unpleasant day, but then the outside words is full of squishy aliens younger than my paint job and warriors I don't like or didn't know very long before the <em>Ark<em>'s expedition.

They're all missing the vorns of little crap that's been adding up or what I've lost. For someone like me, my therapy is crushing a Decepticon's face or ego. Either works fine by me, really. Back on Cybertron, my therapy was readily available and I never worried about setting up an appointment, so to speak. I would just take a little drive and "accidentally" wind up around a small Decepticon spy camp. Since more often than not, Sunny was with me, it wasn't that hard for the two of us to eliminate or capture the small camps trying to spy on our bases. Then we'd come back, some officer would want to punish us for disobeying regulations, but everyone else would be so happy by our gun-ho attitudes that we'd just end up with a few free drinks and lots of cheers. Basically whenever I had a problem on Cybertron, I'd end up drunk and happy.

_Now_ I have to wait for the relatively-small and centralized Decepticon army to attack because Optimus has become too cushy with the humans and doesn't want us to instigate anything on their turf. No one but Sunstreaker knows how happy I secretly am when we discover a spying cassette or a lone Decepticon straying out for his own personal interests. My only other options are pranking the Autobots I usually don't like or playing human video games, which is pretty much like taking a placebo and knowing it's a placebo. And ultimately the pranks don't help because eventually I have to deal with Red and his "you've compromised our security" speech, causing the whole cycle to start again. But unlike when I was on Cybertron, I don't start the cycle drunk and happy.

So maybe I am taking this harder than expected, but my outlets are gone and my problems aren't. It's hard to not let your problems and their history get to you when you don't have a Decepticon on standby, waiting to be crush by your fists or your quick and awesome wit.

"Wheeljack, help Sideswipe out. He's blind so don't startle him or I'm going to have a mangled interior." Ratchet's words abruptly pulled me out of my thoughts and instinctively I tried to look around.

Wheeljack was smart enough to speak before grabbing me. "Hey Sideswipe, I gonna have to edge you out since a human ambulance is a wee bit of a tight fit around you."

"You calling me fat?" I felt a hand on my back, guiding me out while another hand supported my dead leg.

"Yeah, I'm calling you fat. I'm gonna have to set you on the medical berth reserved for Optimus-sized mechs," Wheeljack teased.

"Like your creators? 'Cuz I've seen what your carrier looks like when we interfaced after one high-grade energon party. It may have been vorns ago, but that image is seared to my CPU." I shuttered for good measure, only to discover that he had me next to a berth when my elbow smacked it. "Ow!"

"See? That's Primus' way of saying you're full of it. Now hobble onto the berth."

I did as he said, pulling myself onto the berth and settling down as comfortable as possibly. I absently listened to the two of them talk amongst themselves and the beeps and chirps of the scanners as they did their thing. I didn't feel like dwelling in my pessimism as the light mood Wheeljack and Ratchet were creating was peacefully distracting. Primus, I hope that thought didn't leak over the bond.

When I neither heard nor felt anything from Sunstreaker, I relaxed and continued listening to the two attend to my damaged body. I started playing "guess what body part they're talking about" since Seekers, nature, and Ratchet turned off the sensors at my injuries. It sounded like I'd lost or torn a bit of plating.

Despite that, it was a bit relaxing to listen to the two mock one another. That is, until Ratchet interrupted it all with a curse.

"Primus fragging damn it to the slaggin' smelt pits, Sideswipe!" Ratchet yelled over the scanner's beeps going off by the side of my face.

"What?!" A medic cursing you while scanner your cranial unit is so not good.

"I swear, if there was a God of Irony, I'd curse in his name. Or praise him, I'm not sure yet how I feel about this. You know your prank from earlier today?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

"Your prank caused First Aid to fall while in the storage unit and he hit the shelves that contained the spares that I need to replace your damaged optic relays and servos. Most of them were destroyed but some of them are in salvageable condition. Not that anyone had started salvaging yet, mind you, which leaves me with all the responsibility, as First Aid is down and no one else knows optic relays enough to salvage them. Damn you for making my life more difficult, you snow blower. I _did_ have plans."

Wheeljack whistled and chuckled. "Wow, what a crappy day this is turning out to be for you, Sideswipe. You get chased off by Red Alert and then disobey regulations only to get pounded by Decepticons. Then you get back here to find your earlier antics are going to leave you blind for at least the remainder of the orn, or whenever 'cuz you're completely at the mercy of a medic you've thoroughly pissed off. What's that human saying? Karma's a bitch?"

"Argh! Shut up!" I snapped and I waved my arm to smack his smart mouth. I grazed his face fin.

"Ah, now calm down, Sideswipe. It could be worse. I mean, from a karma standpoint, it really can't get worse than this. Well, actually you could accidently stumbling into one of your own pranks and lose the other leg." I swear I could hear Wheeljack's fins lighting up in a fit of barely-suppressed laughter.

"Also, your leg can't be fully fixed for the same reason as the optics because the interfaces are damaged and Wheeljack usually doesn't work with that type of servo," chirped Ratchet. "However, I can repair what you have now and it should be good enough for you to limp around. Well, it should be good enough so long as you don't lean too far forward or backwards."

"You know what? I don't care. I'm not gonna sit here forever waiting to be able to see or walk normally. Just take me to my room and tell Sunstreaker to keep his trap shut."

"No."

"Excuse me, Ratchet? What do you mean 'no'? This isn't an emergency and I have the right to determine what kind of care I get and I want my care to get me to my room."

"Ah Sideswipe, you've been listening to human TV shows way too much. _We _– " I could feel the air around me move as he gestured to indicate Autobots as a whole " – are a military society, not a civilian country with politicians making grandiose speeches of freedom and pride. Your choices go about as far they can before conflicting with the numerous military regulations, and there's several in place that say a warrior in your condition can't be left unattended outside a medical facility. There's also another one that says you're still on probation for your earlier prank and must be supervised until your time is served, so you really have no choice in the matter regardless how you slice and dice it."

"Take your regulations and shove them up your aft." I turned my upper torso over so the mechs were facing my back. I guess they took the hint because I heard nothing from them for a few breems as they moved about the room. Eventually Ratchet worked on my hip strut, but I refused to talk. I'll trade insults and mockery with either one of them any orn, but not this one. Not after my therapy just me back with their peds way up my tailpipe.

Eventually the hands on my hip strut stopped and Ratchet spoke, "I think I should just take this time and repair those damaged spares, so I'm going to wrap up what I'm doing and after a little while your system repairs should be sufficient."

After a while, his presence at my side withdrew and even the background noises the pair made died away. Finally alone, I let my thoughts wander until they landed on the memories of the "therapy" battles on Cybertron. Slowly I could feel the tension in my struts and cables dissipate as I remembered the feel of a Decepticon's armor crumpling beneath my fists. I remember the first time I got a taste of what would become "jet judo" and I felt the plating on the Seeker's armor tearing in my grip. The moment was almost euphoric as I heard his curses and screams. Back then I was a lot more like Sunstreaker than I am now.

Nowadays I may not enjoy the violence like Sunstreaker, but the feeling of victory against those who ruined my home city is still a fond memory. Maybe I've been linked to Sunstreaker long enough for his thirst for his own vengeance to leak in, or perhaps I've been consumed by a ravenous war, corrupted by the numerous times I've had to watch my friends die by the mechs I'm supposed to stop. Or maybe it's the combination of being in a military society that rewards that kind of thinking in its warriors, the horrors I've been through, and the permanent damage of Sunstreaker's psyche connected to my mind. Not that it mattered anymore, since I will always find the screams of a Seeker to be pleasantly therapeutic. Unless he's screaming about his victory over me, like today.

"Sideswipe?"

Instinctively I turned to the sound of the assertive-yet-quizzical voice in the doorway. "Red?"

"Yes. Can't you see me?"

"No. There's a problem with the spares and it'll be several more joors before they're fixed. I also can't walk very well."

"I see…" Red trailed off and for the first time I felt like the paranoid one in the room. Why is he here? Pit, _where_ is he?

"Hound found the missing security device you were looking for earlier."

"Hound looked for it? I thought that was gonna go to the next in line for punishing."

"I wanted someone reliable to do the job," Red spoke without regard. "I had a few … security distractions on my mind and I wanted someone one qualified to search through Earth's terrain to with typical scouting equipment. Hound was the best choice."

"Hn."

"Don't ignore me! I had to leave the base's biggest security risk to someone else's control – something I do despise – because the _other_ security risk – " Red paused just as suddenly as he started chewing me out. Carefully he approached my berth to sit down in a nearby chair. There was a beat of silence before Red Alert continued again, but this time with more uncertainty than I've heard in a long time. "Namely, the security distraction that forced me to leave the task to another was the two unauthorized Autobot departures off the Autobot premises. As Hound was not only the last available scout but also the last available mech's whose face you wouldn't pound, I went to locate the two of you myself."

"You left your office to come find me so I didn't have to deal with some irritating pipsqueak?" I asked with an amazed tone. I knew that Red was aware of who I didn't like, I just didn't know it mattered to him.

"I thought the situation didn't require the risk of one Autbot antagonizing the other, and every situation I considered with the available personnel, such as Cliffjumper, ended with a fight. It seemed like an unnecessary security risk, especially after Prowl and Ironhide offered to take over the base's security detail for me while I was away."

"Oh." So much for him being thoughtful. Well, at least so much for him being _entirely_ thoughtful. He did at least put forth the effort to try and find someone else first who I didn't have a problem with and while putting himself as the last option on that list may not seem like much to the others, I knew different. "Well, thanks anyways. I would've left more armor behind in that rock if you hadn't shown."

"I'm aware."

I snickered at his blatant statement. Not many mechs know this about Red Alert, but if his paranoia is right, he's rather narcissistic about it. "Well, thanks for saving me from a longer stay in medbay."

"Well, I better get back to the office. Hound finished retrieving the remaining devices and I want to test them thoroughly while the repairs are being made to ensure they still provide the necessary security measures."

I felt the air move as Red stood and I was surprised at his lack of acknowledgement. "I guess work is still stuck on your mind."

"It will always be, Sideswipe. My work is never done so long as there's an Autobot's life or information at risk." Red departed moments later and I was alone again. I can't believe that jerk blew me off. He knows I'm not in the business of freely thanking others. Who is he, Prime? Even Prime is less dramatic than that – well, usually less dramatic than that.

I'm so annoyed right now at Red. He's always putting work before his comrades and he acts like he's one of the most important 'bots to walk the _Ark_. Talk about having an over-inflated ego, even if he is the head of security.

I mean, security is only as good as the soldiers that carry it out. You can have hundreds of cameras watching a single entry hall, but they don't stop threats. Not unless the cameras are all transformers and that leads right back to my point.

You'd think he'd know that, considering he was fighting Starscream on a few joors ago rather than watching it from a camera. Unless he really did have a secret camera there and his appearance wasn't so much a coincidence as it was him catching sight of the Seekers' arrival. Or maybe he heard Starscream's voice while watching Hound's GPS signal like, well, a hound. It's a sound no mech can ignore so long as his audios slightly function, even one who can be as focused on his work as Red.

I thought back to when the Seekers first arrived, playing out Red's reaction in my head. Red watching Hound, giving instructions that an outdoor-loving transformer like Hound doesn't need because Red think he knows best, regardless of the skill's of the mech he's ordering. He probably blew a gasket when he heard Starscream's voice cutting into his room saying… oh what the Pit did Screamer say?

I paused and tried thinking back on Starscream's lame sneers. He said some lame backhanded insult about his own comrade, Soundwave. Starscream has no respect for his own comrades, trying to manipulate and control them all as if he knows best, that narcissist.

Abruptly I stopped my newest train of thought, recalling a previous one mocking Red for the very same things. Red tries to control our ever move claiming he knows best. He's not manipulative like Starscream, but when he's frustrated with the troops he starts one of his paranoid security rants and ends up belittling them, just like this morning when he said "I need someone I can trust to follow orders and use their CPU for more than just padding for someone's fist." I know Red has no social skills and vaguely has the ability to grasp the damage he does when he says the first thing that pops into his mind, but it's been a long time since I've seen him try to fix what he's most inept at doing. Someone could probably say the same thing about Starscream, but the only difference is that Starscream never cared to try in the first place.

Primus, if I can find similarities between those two, what does that say about Sunny and me, two soldiers that follow a workaholic, isolated, and aloof trine leader, and the two soldiers that follow a calculating, consumed and cold trine leader?


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Re-reading your own stuff can be so annoying because you'll catch all the little errors. Like "grandiose __**speeches**__", or "I__** do**__ despise", which was originally "I don't care for" but turned into "I don't despise". I've fixed those errors._

_I know this has been a long time coming, but the ending got really off-track so I had to rewrite pretty much the whole chapter and then I hit a major work deadline and… yeah. Anyways, the rewrite turned into 15 pages and that takes forever to proof. I broke up what was supposed to be 1 chapter into 3 chapters, possibly 4 while I'm proof reading the 3__rd__ chapter and find it way too long (and I probably will because these two chapters only make up half of the original one). Hopefully chapters 6 or 6 & 7 will be finished soon, but at least here are two chapters._

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><p>As I laid there I continued to muse about the similarities between my broken trine and the turbulent Seeker trine. I thought about our earlier skirmish with them. In particular, I thought about my fight with the loud-mouth solider, Skywarp, a Decepticon who's way too enthusiastic to kill and be part of energon-shed battles.<p>

My brother, too, enjoys an all out battle with the shredded remains of his enemies surrounding him and in his wake. I enjoy the feeling of my enemy being defeated, but I rarely basked in their actual torment. Sure, I would be lying if I said I felt no joy in knowing that my enemy was suffering for their last few clicks, but unlike Skywarp I would never prolong killing my target for pleasure. Granted, Skywarp doesn't have much patience but on Cybertron I've seen him intentionally deliver unclean killing blows time after time again. Likewise, many Decepticons claim the same about my brother and they aren't wrong. Ever since the loss of our home in Kaon, I think my brother's merciless kills is his way of getting back at the Decepticons for ruining our lives. When Kaon first fell, my brother's anger at the Decepticons brewed beneath the surface for some time until it erupted into a borderline psychotic rage. He calmed down somewhat when the Autobots saved us, but after we had our first battle he began to slip back, and when the Decepticons started deliberately destroying cities like they did to Kaon, he slipped even further and a lot faster.

I wonder if the same could be said of Skywarp, that perhaps his rage towards us is because he blames us for destroying something he cared about? I doubt it, given that his opponents are the peace-loving Autobots, but it isn't impossible. After the Decepticons took Kaon, there were unauthorized revenge strikes against predominantly Decepticon areas even though the areas weren't entirely loyal or sympathetic to the Decepticons. Perhaps Skywarp had been one of those citizens who hadn't yet casted in his lot with the Decepticons until a group of near-sighted Autobots attacked his home?

Anyone who loses everything like that would be angry for a long time, if they ever get past it. I know I didn't recover from losing our home and I don't know if I ever will. Back then, before the war, I was pretty easy going. When the Autobots rescued what few captured habitants of Kaon were left, I was determined to not let the Decepticons to destroy what I had left – _me_. I had my brother of course, but I was trying to rescue him from himself because he was doing exactly the opposite of what I was doing. Unfortunately, even after the battles faded and we mourned the lost, war still continued to chip away pieces of us. My friends and I were always on the go in our pre-war life, playing whatever sports, games, bets, dumb ideas, etc we could. We even occasionally pranked one another. Most of my friends died by the time I joined the Autobots, so when I promised myself to not lose myself in the war, I meant in spirit of them too.

Soon after Streaker and I were done with training, we joined a platoon, where I discovered that there were very few approved activities for unwinding. I don't remember how long I'd been a part of the Autobot army, but I remember one orn an officer banned my favorite sport. I was already wound tight from a grueling training exercise – which included being next to Sunstreaker and his ruined paint job for joors – so I decided to pass on my frustration. I modified an old prank I did with my friends and set a trap in his quarters to drop the sports equipment on him when he reached his berth. The aftermath gave me the first feeling of satisfaction I had in a long time. Since then I prank those who frustrate me with tactics I learned from my friends. It might not be quite in the spirit of them, another proverbial chip I lost, but I damn well won't let the war take the block away.

Generally my pranks don't have much cruelty to them, but the same can't be said about Skywarp. I don't know much of the details, but in some of my encounters with Skywarp while he's boasting about his warrior ferocity, he'll mention how even off the battle field he's to be feared because of his "pranks."

I say "pranks" because they don't sound like pranks but more like simple-yet-nasty surprises. It doesn't faze me one bit to hear a Decepticon who enjoys mayhem boasting about his cruel sense of humor; neither am I taken back to learn that the impatient mech's so-called pranks had little creativity to them. Besides being impatient, Skywarp has the intelligence of a turbo-rat. If someone points him towards a direction and says "kill", he'll do exactly that and make them proud, but he can't figure out the best place of attack on his own. And yet, just like comparing Skywarp's attitude on battle to Sunstreaker's, my brother hardly fairs any better when it comes to using actual intelligence. It's something that I've always been disappointed in him. I know he's smarter than half of the warriors here but he doesn't show it in favor of keeping his reputation as the fiercest warrior. He wants the officers planning attacks to keep him where the slaughter is and not redirect him to a place that requires a somewhat-keen intellect. I swear he's used his cranial unit as a weapon so many times that he can't process the idea that it's not going to negatively impact his reputation if he uses what's _inside _his cranial unit.

My brother prides his reputation so much that he keeps it up off the battlefield, having lost any charm or social cares he had before the war. He's typically standoffish with the others and now few of them want anything to do with him. Apparently Sunstreaker is the exact opposite of Skywarp socially. Once Swindle spoke about Skywarp's cruel pranks but I was stunned about how Swindle said it. He spoke about the Seeker's pranks with admiration. It seems that Skywarp's pranks actually impress the other Decepticons. Well, not his victim, but the other Decepticons. Unlike the gruff Sunstreaker who couldn't charm a human teenage girl prone to worship if he wanted, Skywarp can charm almost any Decepticon into letting him break the rules. I can charm my comrades somewhat but Skywarp is much better at it than me. Skywarp's disruptions actually work for him while mine usually end up with me in trouble.

It doesn't matter to me anyways, given that any Autobot's charming nature is always compared to Bumblebee or Jazz's friendly attitudes. We all know that half of the Autobots here don't see a fellow Autobot when they look at Sunstreaker or me, but an Autobot capable of Decepticon-worthy violence and that scares them. To most of the remaining other half of the Autobots we're too unusual for them to understand because we aren't like them. We used to be, but most of the Autobots can still switch off their 'soldier mode' and suddenly act like their old light-hearted self from before the war, happily playing with dirt or catching up with the local entertainment or whatever. Sometimes in the Rec Room I feel like I'm looking through thick glass and trying to understand a foreign species on display that's not burden with the damages of war.

I don't think there's very many mechs I know who would understand what it means to be so different from your team. Well, there's one mech I've never considered before, given that he's my enemy. There have been times when we're moving quietly into attack position and the officers send me to the Seekers' known location. When that happens and it takes forever for the signal, I'll hear whole conversations between the Seekers, which usually is just Skywarp and Thundercracker. The purple jet says things I'd expect from him, but Thundercracker is a different matter. Sometimes he says things that are very unusual for a Decepticon. Things that make _him_ sound very unusual for a Decepticon.

Suddenly my concentration was broken as I heard several light noises. Clicks later Ratchet announced, "Sideswipe, I've fixed a servo for your hip." Ratchet approached my berth. "Your receptors located in that region are still off so you should feel little, if anything."

"Cool. Can I leave then when you're done?"

"No."

"I'll be a pain. I'll complain as much as I can, and as loud as I can. Maybe even as high-pitched and whinny as I can," I warned playfully, forcefully willing myself to be my usual self when I'm around Ratchet.

"Okay, you want to play this game?" Ratchet snapped back hotly. "How about this: youcan do that until you drive me crazy and I gag and strap you down, _OR _I'll let you go back to your quarters – "

"Yay!"

" – and I'll send an officer to your quarters to baby-sit you so I don't get chewed for violating regulations."

"Frag you," I muttered back at Ratchet's completely humorless comeback. Usually he tells me to shut up with some sort of threat, but normally with a barely-detectable humorous undertone in his voice. I guess maybe my earlier jolly attitude got to him. Or maybe repairing that servo was more irritating than I realized. Either way, maybe I should take it back a notch and I might fly under his radar until I'm cleared for duty. There's a time to mess with Ratchet and there's a time to play nice; right now it's time for the later. "Okay, Ratchet, since I'm sure you want a break from the Medbay and you can't leave while I'm here since there's no one else available to officially be in charge of me while I'm technically hospitalized, I'll go to my quarters and wait for whatever officer you send."

A pinching sensation cut across my upper hip strut and I realized the servo had been dropped. It had landed on top of some cables. "I'm sorry, what?" Ratchet gaped.

"I said I'll get out of your way so you can take some time to unwind before fixing my optics."

"Primus, the damage to your cranial unit is worse than I thought – it's managed to damage your personality enough that it created a nice streak. Normally cranial damage that results in reduces mental capacity makes a mech dumb, but you are nicer. You must have a few crossed wires. Or you were already dumb enough."

"Haha. I'll leave as soon as you get that servo you dropped in my hip – ow, by the way – and get the leg working."

I guess Ratchet hadn't notice the dropped servo because not a click more passed before the pinching sensation disappeared. "Well then I guess I better get going. It will only take a few breems."

Amazingly, for something so complicated that even Wheeljack couldn't do it, it really did only take a few breems. Ratchet helped me up when he was done and practically shoved me out the door after he checked his other patient, the stable and offline First Aid. Knowing Ratchet he wouldn't be gone for long anyways, even if he leaves Wheeljack to watch over First Aid, but even a CMO has to take a break.

Ratchet practically rushed me back to my quarters before disappearing as he tossed out a quick "stay put, that's an order!" bark. Maybe he wants to get his drink on, I dunno, but I was left in my silent quarters. Now what to do?

Play video games or watch TV? Slag, I can't do either one. That also rules out my secret chess board I practice on so one orn I can shock Prowl into glitching when I beat him.

At best I could listen to music but I wouldn't be able to select anything specific. I could scroll through Streaker's and my playlists one by one until I find something I'm in the mood for, but Sunny has way more play lists than anyone could possibly guess and I don't care for at least half of them.

I sat down on my berth and idly scrolled through the playlists trying to find one of mine. This was hardly any better. Instead of laying on a berth waiting for repairs, I'm sitting here and wait for some officer to show while I fumble with the playlists.

Dully I thought about the different officers' schedules and tried guessing whichever one would show up, but eventually my thoughts ended up right back where they left off in Medbay, on Thundercracker.


	5. Chapter 5

The blue flier seemed far more complex than his trine mates. Well, I'm not sure if Screamer is less complex than TC, but he's pretty repetitive in many ways whereas the only real repetitive thing about Thundercracker is that he always gives into his trine mate's demands if it assures him that he's needed. Talk about self-esteem issues. Who in their right mind let's Starscream have that much influence over them? It's sort of strange though, because Thundercracker is plenty prideful in other aspects. I can't count the number of times I've heard him jeer at those who can't fly. His pride rivals even my brother's. It's half the reason I like using jet judo, just to wipe that smug, condescending look off his face.

Strangely, he's the only face that I don't usually see a smug and condescending look when the Decepticons capture humans or catch them in the crossfire. If anything, he seems to ignore them. Maybe he has enough pride to not lower himself and attack or use significantly weaker creatures. One mech had suggested that TC somewhat sympathizes with the humans being terrorized by giant, evil, dishonorable robots. His idea about TC was shot down by everyone, including myself. I used to never believe it, but then an orn came when I saw TC show a sliver of sympathy. A sympathetic Decepticon? I can't imagine it, especially since Megatron has a cruel response to anyone who shows uncharacteristic Decepticon traits.

Well, I guess I can imagine it a little. With a twin like Sunstreaker, and me having reputation as both a hardened warrior and a prankster, mechs find sympathy from me somewhat hard to fathom. Showing sympathy won't put my life in jeopardy, unlike TC's, but a lot of mechs find it suspicious if they think a cold warrior on and sometimes off the field acts kinder than they expect. It gets tiring to do something nice and be rewarded with suspicion.

Sunstreaker doesn't know how that feels and he teases me the few times it leaks over the bond. He buried his empathic side long ago in the graves of Kaon. I don't know it will ever resurrect. Sometimes I slip up and mention my worry, only to the Autobots start giving me attitude because the Sideswipe they've come to know, or think they know, isn't behaving the way they expect. There's a few mechs that are exempt from that, like Jazz, but by and large it's true. And then to have your spark-bonded twin who's been by your side for vorns tease you because _you're_ the weird one? It can be really, really frustrating.

Heh, I wonder if Thundercracker feels the same. I imagine his closer trine mate, Skywarp, doesn't understand his situation and it's extremely unlikely he ever will. Thundercracker never struck me as one for warfare. Sure, he participates just as much as the other Decepticons, but there is a certain lack of gleeful destruction on his part when you compare him to his comrades. He does plenty of killing and destroying but nothing like Skywarp.

I guess that's something he and I have in common; neither of us fully enjoys the war, unlike our closest trine mate. As the vorns of war go by, I've run into Thundercracker more times than I can count and every so often I notice him being just a bit crueler on the battlefield. The changes have been little by little, but when you clash with the same mech off and on for vorns, you notice subtle differences – dark differences – in their fighting style.

Thundercracker used to be timid for a Decepticon, but even before we left Cybertron he enjoyed a bit of carnage caused by his "superior" flight capabilities. Since landing on Earth, though, his definition of 'carnage' has changed somewhat. Namely, he won't do what the other Decepticons do: use or kill the weak bystanders, aka humans. Perhaps he doesn't attack humans not just out of sympathy – if that's actually true – but because his pride keeps him from attacking someone who has zero chance of surviving. I can't believe I'm even thinking this, but the more I contemplate the common traits between my trine and the Seeker trine, I'm realizing more things that I knew about them but never really gave much thought. And the more I do it, the more I understand Thundercracker at a personal level.

Involuntarily I shuttered and fought back the sudden feeling of energon rising to my mouth. Is that the kind of trine we're could turn into? Would we be more like them if our trine wasn't broken? Their trine maybe dysfunctional, but it still functions because they feed off of one another, with Starscream using Skywarp's enthusiasm to fight and Thundercracker's need to be needed to fuel his ambitions, and both of them willingly accept it because it gives means to their ends? Red Alert is ambitious and he has no problem with using others to achieve his goals, Sunstreaker would have no problem with that if it meant he got to fight, and I… well, I don't need to be needed… right?

'_But we're different from them. Far more different than similar_,' my internal voice interjected to assure me.

'_How? Has not all this lengthy musing shown the opposite of that?_' I asked of it.

'_Red Alert's ambitions are about protecting others while Starscream just wants to rule others_,' it pointed out.

'_Their goals are different but their means aren't entirely different, except Red doesn't use Sunny and me because our trine is too broken for that_,' I returned.

'_Red doesn't use you because you're mechs, not machines. Period. It has nothing to do with the state of your trine's affairs. His lack of social skills make it look like that from time to time, but there's hardly any comparison in Red's inability to understand social tact and Starscream's deliberate manipulation. You're holding his short-coming against him as proof that he's cold, callous, and manipulating when he's blunders interactions with others. He keeps misunderstanding others and he's keeps been misunderstood. The_ _Red you know would never intentionally use a mech._'

'_Okay, you're right; I'll give you that. I am being overly harsh about Red just because he keeps making me mad and it's easier for me to find faults and blame him for everything. But then what does that say about Sunny and me? Or what about just Sunny and me, forget the trine. How much more different are we than Skywarp and Thundercraker?_'

The voice didn't answer.

'_Seriously, how are we different? Skywarp has no power in his CPU whereas Sunstreaker does, but Sunny doesn't use it so he and Skywarp basically come out the same. Thundercracker has been changing from a relatively honorable fighter to a warrior who doesn't mind underhanded shots. My honor on the battlefield keeps deteriorating, no matter how much I try to stop it because I'm fed up with all of this slag and I want my enemies to suffer like I do, only I have just enough honor left to not prolong it. The same goes for Thundercracker, although it's more of a combination of honor and pride than just honor_.'

Again, the voice didn't answer.

Now I was angry at my internal voice. '_There aren't many differences left between the Sunny and me and one of the Seekers. Sure, there are bits and pieces that are radically different, with some of those radical differences matching the other Seeker, but not nearly as many radical differences as I'm okay with. They are my enemies, living proof of the evil Decepticons enjoy bringing to everyone else. And despite us being Autobots, a faction that supposed to represent the exact opposite, the evidence is piling up that the evil acts they do aren't always so different than ours._

_'Our trine didn't break when Red became distant and we became more violent. It broke afterwards. Okay, maybe there's enough blame to go around for what happened to Red and why the trine broke, but Sunny and I were in a very different place back then and we turned into mechs way closer to those two Seekers beforehand._'

'_So you think the break stopped you three from becoming those three?_' It asked.

'_In a manner of speaking, yes. I doubt Red will become any more like Starscream since Red has morals and an understanding of his purpose in the world, something he's satisfied with, unlike Screamer, but there's other factors. Our trine was dysfunctional to begin with and it broke because it never worked. Starscream's trine was very dysfunctional to begin with but where my trine stopped changing together, his continued and now they function because their dysfunctions counterbalance each other. The individuals of my trine are only partially there, but we stand a chance to not go down that path if we don't take that first step. I don't see a way to avoid that path if we take the first step towards being a trine again unless we go our own ways and not come together like they did, where one damaged member feeds of the others and likewise feeds their twisted needs. A broken trine is better than a trine like theirs. There's no way in the Pit I will ever, _ever_ become Thundercracker. I don't care what it costs, I'm not becoming him, I'm not letting my brother become Skywarp, and I won't let Red lose his morals and become more like Starscream._'

'_And how are you going to do that? Red purposefully isolates himself and Sunstreaker doesn't like others concerned about him. He especially won't like it if you point out these little musing thoughts to him._'

'_Haven't you notice that negative changes in Red's behavior stalled after he started isolating himself with his security devices? He needs to feel in control for his and others security, and that demands more than what Sunny and I do for him. His machines and devices do that, though. How else do you explain why he's more anxious outside his office, or when the abilities of his machines are compromised? He needs his control room. He doesn't need his trine. I can help him best by not interfering with that. Sunny and I certainly don't need him. Yeah, Sunny and I are plenty messed up, but we're doing just fine together other than that. A suddenly functioning trine would just speed up the development of everyone's problems_.'

'_How?_' The voice asked incredulously.

'_Easy. Trines function in one basic form: one is the brains and two are the hands. One coordinates the attacks and the other two carry out the brunt of the plan. So maybe in the case of Starscream's trine the "brain" – or head – is giving more headbutts than most trines, but only because Starscream wants to become the new Megatron and he can't impress the other Decepticons if he's giving orders from the sidelines. With a "brain" like Screamer, a mech descending faster and faster into madness, the hands – or really the rest of the body – will follow suit and break down. That's why they still function as a group but not much as individuals: Skywarp and Thundercracker are following right behind him because they can't be separated. Skywarp can't do much but hurt others while TC is crippled by his needs._

'_We're not a singular unit. If we were a body, we'd be a mech with blown circuits between his CPU and his body. The mind can be lost and the body can degenerate, but they don't usually happen at once. Even if they did, it would be a coincident and not because of the other. If those circuits were repaired it would cause a destructive cycle because an injured body can torment the mind, and a tormented mind can injure the body. He can't hurt us and we can't hurt him unless we fix the break. I'm not going to break us even further by fixing the break t only to fall apart._'

'_You're going about this the wrong way. You're all already hurting each other, but you're choosing to ignore that and let these wrong ideas rule your actions instead. Ideas about Decepticons. Idea _from_ Decepticons. If you refuse the Autobot part of you that wants to fix the pain and instead focus on the part damaged by war, you'll only be breaking that promise to yourself that you wouldn't let the Decepticons destroy you too._' It warned. '_If you said these things to Prowl, you know what he would say?_'

'_That I'm crazy and need to be locked up for mental evaluation?_'

'_Not my point. He would point out that you are being illogical by only focusing on the worst way to think of this. Decepticons feed off of destruction so naturally Starscream's trine would function best on a steady diet of chaos and evil. But you are an Autobot and Autobots thrive on justice and respect. If you repaired the mech that your trine figuratively makes, an _Autobot_ mech, and you learned how to respect one another, you won't descend into madness. You'll ascend into greatness._'

When did my internal voice that makes up for Sunstreaker's silence start sounding like Optimus? '_Perhaps. Or perhaps the risks are too great. I haven't seen anyone or anything ascend in a very long time, but I've seen plenty of deterioration. A lot of mechs who deteriorate had reached for their hopes time after time again, only for it to burn them or crumble to ash in their hands. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for different outcomes. Guess what? Those mechs kept hoping, kept getting burnt, and eventually they couldn't take it anymore. So I don't hope for greatness anymore and I don't try for the same changes over and over again, I just hope to make it another orn. Asking me to hope for a brighter future is naïve, even insane. I can keep trying to talk to Red but it always gives the same results as before last. I can try to keep being the mech I promised to keep being, but I never get the outcome I want when I try. I keep getting the same results of failure time and time again. I'm done being insane. I'd rather risk being a half-functioning Sideswipe than a functioning Thundercracker._'

* * *

><p><em>AN: I'll try to finish proof-reading the last chapter(s) soon. If you're wondering why Sideswipe is so broody, there's at least one comic where he gets really broody after bad stuff happens. Pretty sure an example happens after a certain 'little' event with the Swarm in All Hail Megatron, but I can't find it right now._

_If you thought Sides was being too hard on them, especially Red, you're right; it's easier to dwell on the negative and make it worse in your head if you let it. Even worse if you let it fester for years, like Sideswipe has (but in vorns since years are nothing to them). At this point, that's what Sides is doing, despite his inner voice trying to tell him not to and see it for what it really is, issues that have gone on unresolved for too long._

_The part in the last paragraph about insanity is from Albert Einstein._

_Please review! I'm trying to get better as a writer, and this is also my first time writing 1st POV since the 3rd grade. I wanted to see how well I could pull of a fic that's largely internal to the character._


	6. Chapter 6

_Fanfiction. net is being stupid and keeps undoing the formatting for Sunstreaker and Sideswipe's bond conversation. And while I was fixing that I noticed that I switched to carrot denoting bond conversations part way through this story :X Oops! Back to the old style.  
><em>

/_blah blah_/ = Bond talk

* * *

><p>With new found resolution, I decided to not let my already-turbulent future become more chaotic. Once I get out of here… oh yeah. I can't get out of here. Damn it. Sighing, I decided to shift my focus back to selecting the play lists. After another few breems passed and I was locked-yet-not-locked in my quarters, I started to feel like I was suffocating. I need some air right now.<p>

As soon as I got up my door swiftly opened, but not for me. "Sideswipe, why are you doing? You'll have your sight back soon enough, no need to panic."

Why does the universe hate me? The universe really didn't have to send in Red Alert to babysit me. Damn you, Ratchet. This is the last time I'm going to be nice to you. _Forever_.

After a beat I realized what Red had said and I gave him an incredulous look. "Did you just tell _me_ to not panic?"

"I assume that any warrior would be in a relative state of panic as compared to their normal demeanor whenever they lose a critical ability to do their job."

Okay, I was a bit uneasy at the moment, but it wasn't because I was blind. The idea that there are similarities between my trine and the Seeker trine isn't something I cared to think about, but stupidly I did and now I don't want to anymore. Naturally, the universe wouldn't let me totally drop the subject by sticking me with the duty-bound Red. If the blindness was at all to blame, it would only be that it allows me to digress into whatever random thought crossed my mind to stave off boredom. See, this is why warriors shouldn't put much emphasis into thinking outside of battle or training – or pranking, which is kinda like training if you look at it like I do sometimes. I'm not saying we should be stupid, but when war shapes your entire reality, it's hard not to think about it. If you don't take a break, it'll consume you and you'll turn into Sunstreaker.

"Uh, yeah, it really sucks to be blind. I can't even find the right music to entertain myself."

Moments later I heard a chair move until it stopped near me. Red sat down in it and I could feel his optics staring at me. Reluctantly I sat down again and turned my blank gaze towards him. I swear I could feel his discomfort as much as mine. Or maybe I'm just imagining it because there's no way he could be comfortable.

"So… what's up?" I asked in a feeble attempt to dispel some of that discomfort.

"Ratchet said you needed a break from him and vice versa, but officially you need to be under the watch of an officer and he volunteered me to Prime. Naturally, Prime approved." Red said the last part with a bit of a drawl.

"Yeah, that's Prime for you." I could understand the exasperation Red was feeling. Prime has this romantic notion that comrades-in-arms should always be given the opportunity to maintain a neutral respect of each other, if nothing else. His spark may be in the right place, but it can be really, _really_ annoying. "Sooo…"

I stopped after nothing came to me and dead silence returned, our unease hanging thick in the air. "Yeah." Red acknowledged after a few clicks.

After a few breems of another awkward moment between us, I finally came up with the only thing I could think of: Ratchet. "I guess Ratchet was pretty happy when you saw him?"

"You could say that, but he appeared more relieved than anything. I'm thinking he could use another medical assistant. With all the stupid things that goes on around here, plenty of which result in injuries, he probably doesn't get much time outside of Medbay with only First Aid and the occasional assistance from Wheeljack," Red responded.

"Hn, I suppose you consider this to be one of those times that stupidity results in a Medbay trip," I mused aloud, in a bland voice. It was a rhetorical statement, but I couldn't help taking a shot at Red's earlier rant. It seemed like a deca-orn ago, but the salt in the wound still stung, to borrow a human phrase. I may have done something stupid that resulted in me being in the situation I'm in now, but Red did something stupid that resulted in the situation _we're_ in now. I don't expect him to figure that out, though, because he thinks being direct and honest is always the best policy and can't fathom what "tact" means.

'_And this was exactly what I was talking about_,' the voice sharply interjected, pointing out that I was being quick to blame Red.

"Are you referring to our earlier discussion in Medbay that occurred because you did something stupid, which forced me to leave the base's security to those with less rigid requirements than me?" Red said in the same tone, unaware of the other conversation I was having with myself.

"Yup, that one."

Hesitantly, Red spoke up. "Sideswipe, I want to apologize. Aft Prime excused us I tried giving Ratchet a piece of my mind for volunteering me, but he beat me to it and gave me a piece of his mind instead. His rant about my rant in Medbay gave me a few things to consider. First, I want to apologize for being late in meeting you here. I'm sure it was unnerving to be left alone in an unsecured situation. I hadn't expected to take long, but there was a lot to think about. Secondly… I know your current predicament is stressful enough and you didn't need me getting on your case. I'm sorry for giving you a hard time."

I gaped at him in shock. "You're apologizing – to _me_?! You _never_ apologize, especially when you're at least partially in the right!"

"I am at the very least capable of understanding when my actions are wrong when they are brought to my attention, even if I'm in the right," Red Alert huffed defensively.

I stared in his direction, almost instantly feeling bad. Pit, I have really let my bad mood get the best of me.

'_So what are you going to do now?_' that internal part of me asked.

Not even a joor ago I was convinced that a broken trine was better than the alternative. My earlier absolution is being confronted with something that seemed implausible. Wait – implausible? It's implausible that Red could ever apologize for not being considerate of others?

I let out a small bitter laugh and rubbed my hand against my temple. "Y'know, Red, there's some kind of eloquence in something you just said, about what we do when confronted with the truth…" I trailed off.

The truth is that I've spent too many vorns secretly blaming Red. I thought Red started the rift between us and him, and that Sunny and me were only at fault for not trying to rise above it. The few times that I tried to rise above it, like earlier, I would ultimately blame him when it failed. I guess the truth is that I don't fight falling in line with the war mentality where everything that's wrong is always your opponent's fault.

There's something really pathetic about that and I don't like it. Time to change things up by starting with something I almost never do: offer a sincere apology. "I'm sorry as well. Red, I've also been giving you a hard time; I was sure that you would never understand Sunstreaker and me because you're busy being a self-righteous, aloof, paranoid 'bot."

"Thanks," Red cut in sardonically.

"You're welcome," I said with as much retort, "but you might want to let me finish. I'm trying to apologize, just give me a moment. The last time I genuinely apologized with something past 'I'm sorry I blew up your favorite thing' I think Iacon was still standing." I waited a moment before trying again. "What I'm trying to say is it's not okay for me to think of you only as that arrogant and paranoid mech because it's not true. It doesn't help anyone to cut you out piece by piece and then turn around and blame you for everything else."

After a few clicks, I focused all of my hearing on him. Another moment passed before I heard the faint sound of his gapping mouth snapping shut.

"What?" Except for Inferno, no one apologized to Red. Usually they just dismiss him and joke about how "that's just Red" and never bother with him. I've never really thought about it until now, but I can relate to how frustrating it can be to be blown off because everyone is convinced that you have a two-dimensional personality.

"Sideswipe, you and I are not one for warm and fuzzy moments, but I think we have for once have come to an agreement. You aren't the only one who jumps to conclusion. I never really understood you or your twin, and when we struggled to communicate to each other, I figured it never mattered to you what I said because you care more about actions. I started yelling at you because I was mad. Eventually, I tried convincing myself that it didn't really care if I yelled at you because I got tired of the frustration."

I waited before speaking again, letting what he said sink in. You'd think that working with a mech for vorns that you'd get a chance to work things out before they get out of control, but time's funny that way. You're angry for an orn so you ignore them until it blows over, but then it turns into a decaorn without either mech speaking about it, and next thing you know it's been a vorn and you're still angry. It's easier to ignore someone and wait for them to speak first. It's even easier if one mech becomes isolated. I can't imagine what Red's life has been like, spending several vorns alone and thinking no one – not even his trine mates – cared about him except Inferno.

"Maybe when I get my sight back, we can play that game. You know, the one we were talking about earlier." I offered him my olive branch again, thinking maybe this time I could do something without making him mad right afterwards or expecting him to be mad and act on it.

"Perhaps. I will require energon soon, and I believe Ratchet mentioned he was going to keep working after he spent a joor relaxing. I don't know if you've been keeping track of the time, but it's been almost 3 joors since he volunteered me."

"Really? Have we been talking for that long?" How did so much time past? I hadn't bothered checking the time when Ratchet left me at my quarters.

"No. Like I said earlier, I had a lot to think about."

"Oh." Red was surprising me every which way. I guess we've both been thinking a lot about the trine.

/_Awww, time for a hug./_ Sunstreaker's sickingly-sweet tone of mockery crackled over the bond. Damn it.

/_How long have you been listening?/_

/_Ever since you and Red made sweet love._/

I jumped at his words. /What the Pit, Sunstreaker?/

Sunstreaker bursted out laughing. /_Okay, okay. You dropped your guard when Red apologized to you. Never saw that coming. Didn't think you'd apologize, either./_

/_Yeah, you should apologize to him too./_

/_What's that? Your barriers are going back up. You're breaking up, can't hear you._/The sound of static interference echoed in my head before completely cutting out. I know he'll figure out his own way to apologize to Red, but it's not going to be with words. I think Red knows that, and maybe he'll easily figure out what's the equivalent of an apology from Sunny.

"Sideswipe? Are you okay? Why did you jump?" Red's voice sounded alarmed. I mean, most of the time his voice sounds alarmed but it was different this time.

"Sunstreaker's been pestering me."

"That sound's exciting. I'm sure glad I don't have a spark bond with him like you do," Red smugly said.

"Yeah, there's almost nothing as strong as a split-spark bond. Yippe."

/_Nope, but he should be able to 'hear' me if we had any real trine bond. I think the biggest 'apology' would be fixing the trine bond. Action speaks louder than words_,/ Sunstreaker spoke up, adding his input on the matter.

/_I thought you couldn't hear me_./

/_Your barriers are wavering, so I can hear you sometimes and but not other times._/

/_I'm sure the times you can hear me just happen to occur when it's most convenient for you._/

/_Yup._/

/_You're such a conceited aft./_

Sunstreaker chuckled. /_Can't help it if you aren't as good as me when it comes to controlling the bond./_

I was about to mock his ego when Ratchet buzzed Red Alert and me over the comm. link. ::Hey Sideswipe, ready to see the light?::

::Primus, yes.::

::Then get your aft down here. Red, officially you have to escort him to Medbay, but only because he's blind. His punishment period has passed so you can drop him off at the door.:: Ratchet abruptly cut out.

"Wow, I feel like such a sparkling right now."

"On the bright side, you won't after the next joor."

We talked while we returned to Medbay about the latest events at base. Red actually caught me up on the latest stunts pulled by bored Autobots. We got to the Medbay doors in no time.

"Going back to work?" I asked

"Yes, I need to make sure everything in set up before I take my break," Red stated matter-of-factly.

"I guess work is always number one," I said, reminiscing about what I said earlier when he visited me in Medbay.

/_Ya'know, you're clearly still are annoyed about how he left without any acknowledgment when you tried being nice and thanked him. Since you basically promised to repair the trine by rectifying past slights, you should mention that,_/ Sunny pointed out.

/_No, that's just whining and I'm not going to whine_./

/_What are you talking about? You've been whining all orn! And anyways, this is what you got yourself into by deciding to make things right with Red. Now time to kiss and make up,_/ he responded gleefully.

/_Primus, sometimes I really hate you. No, more like often I hate you._/

/_Nah, you love me. Deep down everyone loves me. They're only angry with me because they're jealous._/

I ignored Sunstreaker's vanity and groaned. I'm going to let this one go because I'm not whining to Red.

Apparently I didn't have to say anything because someone else beat me to the punch. "Sideswipe," Red Alert spoke up, "one of Ratchet's points in his long-winded rant was that you thanked me but I ignored you. I didn't so much ignore you as much as I, uh, nodded in reply." I could hear the embarrassment in his voice.

"You _nodded_ at a blind mech?" How does a hyper-vigilant mech forget that he was talking to a blind mech?

"You threw me off when you thanked me because I was focusing on not continuing my 'rant', as Ratchet called it. I figured I'd keep it simple rather than drag on the matter, so I kept my response simple."

"By nodding at me."

"I didn't say it was the smart thing to do," Red huffed.

"How did you miss the dark optics?"

"It's the optical relays to your CPU that are shot, not the power supply or the optics themselves. I'm guessing Ratchet never bothered with opening your cranial unit and shutting the power supply off. Your optics are on, you just don't know it."

"Huh." Usually the optics of blind mechs are completely offline. It was weird to think my optics were on this entire time even though I couldn't see. Weirder to think that I didn't know.

/_There's something poetic about that_,/ Sunstreaker mulled over.

/_What do you mean?_/

/_You deliberately turned a blind optic towards Red even though your optics could see him. When they no longer could see him, you first assumed he was being callous to you. Now that you haven't been able to see with your optics for a while, you've learned to actually see him for him and not what you assumed your optics were telling you._/

I didn't respond to Sunstreaker right away. His words gave me a lot to think about. About Red, Sunstreaker, myself, my trine, and the trine I fear becoming. /_For a brutal warrior, you can be oddly deep._/

/_Nah, I just like poking at your faults. If I appear to be deep, it's only because your faults are so deep,_/ he smirked.

/_Haha._/ I knew he'd never fess up to being intelligent because – well, there's no more need to dwell on that. One step at a time and Sunstreaker isn't going to stop acting stupid about being smart any time soon. Instead, I turned to Red. "Thanks. See you later."

"Yes, I look forward to winning," Red gloated before leaving. I think the act of preferring to being isolated to his security machines was his defense because he's a lot more receptive than I expected.

I walked into Medbay. "Oh good, you finally made it. I was starting to think Red was blinded too and you were both aimlessly wondering the halls."

"You are so funny, Rachy," I said sarcastically.

"'Rachy'? Really? You're going to start teasing the mech who's holding the parts that can give you the gift of sight again?"

"You know I love pushing the limits."

"Yeah, that's what idiots do. Get on the berth, because you already have been pushing my limits of my maximum daily of you."

I smirked and climbed onto the nearby berth. After nearly a joor of final repairs to my optics and hip servo, Ratchet informed me to cycle my optics. I powered down my optics for 30 clicks before powering them back up in time to see Ratchet peering down at me. As soon as my optics came back fully online, Ratchet's concerned face became smug. "I'm so happy. Only a couple more breems of post-operation tests and I don't have to see you for the rest of the night."

Ratchet pulled me up. "Okay, first thing is completing the tests for your fixed hip servo. Walk to the other side of the room." I walked to the other side of the room as instructed. Ratchet gave me a series of more instructions to make sure I could walk, balance, and transform without issue.

"Last thing is to test your optics."

"Ratchet, isn't the fact I can see your gestures about what to do to test my servo enough? I'm hungry." I tried willing my energon tanks to make a sound for emphasis.

"Most of the required tests were completed simultaneously while testing your servo, but not all. Get back on the berth."

I climbed back on the berth and sat while Ratchet dug in one of his medical drawers. "Freakin' snow blowers…" Ratchet grumbled.

"Hey, Ratchet, I've been meaning to ask you why your newest insult is 'snow blower'. Since when do you use human technology as an insult?"

Ratchet groaned and rubbed his temple, shaking his head. "Since the minibots were in here for nearly an entire orn after one of their fights and kept calling each other terms like 'snow blower' and – well, you don't want to know the rest. 'Snow blower' got stuck on my mind because Cliffjumper kept using it in every other sentence. Like how humans complain of songs getting stuck in their heads, I have Cliffjumper's lame insults stuck in mind. I try not using it when I'm thinking about it but they keep slipping in and it only reinforces it."

I burst out laughing. "Seriously? You actually let Cliffjumper get stuck on your mind."

"Shut up. It's not Cliffjumper who's stuck on my mind, it's their insults that managed to stick after listening to them in the background for seemingly-endless joors. Next time I'm just going to force them offline." Ratchet looked positively annoyed. I'm so delighted that I can see he's annoyed.

"Ratchet, I love how annoyed I can tell you are right now," I cheerfully shared my thought.

"Yeah, well then I'll make sure you love this." He pulled out a tool and pointed it towards my optics. A bright light shined through the device and immediately hurt my optics.

"Ow, what the Pit, Ratchet?"

"I'm verifying your optic relays work. If they work, your CPU should determine how much to adjust your optical receivers to minimize the effects of this light."

"You know you just wanted to hurt me. I can't believe you've been such an aft even after I let you get a break."

Ratchet stepped closer to examine my optics as a series of lights went off. "What, you mean sending Red to babysit you? I did you a favor."

"Excuse me?"

"I know how much of a drain it is on a trine when it's broken. I figured forcing the two of you together without the hot tempered Sunstreaker and having leveled the playing field by chewing out Red Alert might bridge a gap or two between you both," Ratchet said as though it was obvious.

"And how do you know that Red Alert and I could work things out?"

"Because I know you, Sideswipe. I knew you weren't just angry about the Seekers. You think I can't tell when you're upset? Please, I can tell when you're mad and when Sunstreaker is mad. Sunstreaker burns hot when he's mad, but you're usually more like fire burning under ice. You're cold to the outside world until someone pushes too hard and either breaks the ice or your anger melts it first. I can also tell when that's about to happen and when it's because of Red. Likewise, I can tell when you want to make things better. Why do you think I sent you to him before all of this happened? Although that was stupid on my part because I didn't consider how stupid you are outside of base."

I looked at him with shock and disbelief written across my face. "You can't seriously know me that well," I said, ignoring his last comment.

"I can and I do. You think the CMO who's almost always on duty orn in and orn out can't figure out what makes the mechs he sees on a regular basis tick?" Ratchet snickered. "Okay, done." Ratchet moved away and powered down the tool.

"Red Alert was so right."

"About what?" Ratchet asked as he dropped his tool back in the drawer.

"You really do another assistant."

"Hah, you say that like it's an epiphany," Ratchet retorted. "The only epiphany that you need to realize is that I know just about all when it comes to you. I even have half of your schematics memorized. So you should really stop screwing with me." He flashed me a dark smile. "You're cleared for duty. Have fun."

I hustled out of Medbay, and jogged to the Rec Room.

/_Are you really that excited to see Red?_/ Sunstreaker asked.

/_Nah, I'm just that excited to be able to jog. And to finally get energon._/

I slowed down when I saw the Rec Room and strolled in nonchalantly. There at the energon dispenser was Red Alert. Two turbo-rats with one blast. I walked up to the adjacent energon dispenser and filled a container as I spoke. "It seems that I caught you on your break."

"Sideswipe, you're already fully functional?" Red said astounded.

"Enough to be cleared for duty. My internal diagnostic found a few minor problems in other areas, but internal repairs can handle it and Ratchet was pretty eager to send me away."

"I can easily see that," Red Alert contemplated the idea of a happy Ratchet.

"So, since I'm cleared for duty but don't actually have any duties right now, perhaps you can teach me that game. I've pretty much completely forgot how to play."

"Uh, okay. Let me set it up in my office. Meet me there in 5 breems." Red walked out of the Rec Room.

"Guess you can't change everything at once," Sunstreaker said as he slide up next to me and shook his head. "Too bad, because I guess that means more quality time between the two of you."

"Really? You think I'm not dragging you in?" I said and flashed Sunstreaker my dark smile, trying to out-do Ratchet's. I don't think it worked.

"Hah, you couldn't drag me in if it was my hip servo that was damaged. Not that I ever would be because I know how to handle a couple of Seekers. Not to mention I wouldn't constantly forget my jetpack," he sneered back.

"I'll take that bet. In the next surprise attack from them you get two of them and if you get beaten up, then you have cuddle up with Red," I taunted.

"Like that'll ever happen. And if said attack occurs and the Seekers are the ones who get beaten up, you have to cleanup and reorganize my playlists. All 236 of them."

"I can't believe you haven't cleaned your playlists since you got your first job in Kaon. Primus, Jazz and Blaster both have an addiction to collecting music and they do a better job."

"Yeah, well you will." Sunstreaker laughed and gulped down some energon. "Have fun not being blind anymore." From the look on his face as he paused before turning away, I could tell he didn't just mean my temporary physical blindness.

I think I will, even if it takes a while. I'm not letting myself turn into Thundercracker, and I'm not letting myself become a half-functioning Sideswipe. If I'm turning into anything, it's a part of a functioning trine.

* * *

><p><em>Please review! I feel like there isn't enough action in there. Please let me know if you agree or if it was better as more of an internal drama.<em>

_For the record, I like Red. I just think he's easily misunderstood and he doesn't exactly speak the same language as warriors._

_Thanks for reading! Any comments would be appreciated! :D_


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